Frantically Slow

Life is completely surreal right now. I feel like everything changed and nothing changed all at the same time. Calm. Panic. Restful. Anxiety. We are all home. Our job is to not go out in public or connect with other people. Things are okay as long as I don't think about the crippling anxiety always hanging our on the edge of my mind. I lost my cleaning jobs because I didn't want to go from house to house. I am assuming that I am an asymptomatic carrier of the virus, and that going to work could be potentially life threatening for the people I clean for. The businesses I clean have all closed. I don't have a savings to fall back on, so I lost my apartment. This week I am moving my things out of my apartment and finally taking the leap of moving in with my boyfriend. This is a joyous thing, worth being happy about. But the circumstances leading up to it are not. We would have made the decision to combine households later this year, the decision just got pushed forwards about 5 months due to my lack of finances.

I have plenty to do to keep me busy, and for some reason life feels busier than ever now. The kids are being homeschooled, because schools are closed. I am teaching my daughter to use a sewing machine, this week she mostly made herself a mermaid tail blanket. I finished sewing the tricky bits, but she did 80% of the work involved. My boyfriend made pancakes with them one days and had Abby adding fractions in no time. I expect Sparrow will probably be reading within 2 months as she is getting daily lessons now instead of twice weekly lessons.

I have not had time to really touch any yarn or knitting. My fabric is hanging in the closet, washed, ironed and awaiting the day it becomes my new wardrobe. But the immediate concern I suppose is sewing masks for the hospital workers. I started working on those yesterday. I got 32 masks cut out and ready to go, in various sizes of course. So I am keeping busy, but I don't feel like I am doing much compared to before when I was always on the go. It's just such a strange feeling.

My biggest fear right now is that I will lose another family member, this time to the virus. My next biggest fear is that when this is all over life will return to "normal" and people will just rejoin the rat race, picking up where they left off. We'll all continue to be wages earners for the billionaire class, frantic and exhausted and stretched too thin to fight for rights like medical care, universal basic income (Andrew Yang had the right idea, but he's got to wait for the older generation to be outvoted by millenials I think), subsidized childcare, equality for the disenfranchised, mental health care, drug addiction solutions that are compassionate, and a kinder world. We are learning in real time that the working class really does hold the power of the economy in our hands. Stockbrokers and traders gamble on Wall Street with the blood, sweat and tears of the people doing the actual work. It would not take much besides a concerted effort of the millions of Americans doing the actual work to join together to make lasting change. I hope we can do it, I hope we can take the lessons we learn during this respite from the rat race and make some lasting changes for the betterment of our most vulnerable people. I fear it won't happen, but I still hope.

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